My Dad was the master of the non-traditional parenting style. He was the most hands-off of any fathers I knew. He doesn’t recall how any of his kids came into this world. That’s because he wasn’t at any of our births! He will also be the first to admit that he never changed any of our diapers.

He was also never verbally expressive about love. He and I had an exchange about love ONCE. When I was particularly despondent about an unrequited crush, he counseled, “Love is like tennis. If you think about it too much, you’ll tense up. You have to let it flow.” That was the extent of love advice from Dad. And so it follows that he’s never been comfortable with ‘I love you’s. In fact, he has said those words to my Mom exactly twice — first at their wedding, and second on their 40th anniversary. Even today, when my siblings and I tell him we love him, he coughs out an “uhh. . okay” and walks away.

Despite this, I know no one who ACTS love more than he does – for his family, for the country, and for life.

Dad makes up for the non-verbals by ALWAYS holding our hands. If there are hands within reach, he’s holding them. He and my Mom have been holding hands for 45 years. He took his niece and nephews under his wing when his beloved brother passed away. He and his sister, Tita Arnie, are each other’s biggest supporters, and he constantly admonishes his children to do the same and to always always always take care of each other.

He is constantly at the service of his country and Bataan. I won’t go into what he’s achieved as a government official, but as a private citizen, he continues to establish businesses with the goal of creating jobs, providing education and bringing joy to his fellow Bataenyos.

My Dad wrings out everything that life has to offer. Nothing will stop him from doing what he wants. At 77, he’s still riding zip lines, waterfall rappeling, learning technology, and eating full fat. He has no fear. When I told him I was anxious about a decision I was about to make, he said, “Why fear? If you are living your truth and you trust (in God), there should be no fear.” And this is absolutely how he lives his life.

Happy birthday, Dad!! Thank you for showing us how to live steadfastly from the heart. Love you! [cue: “uh okay”]

As much as I’ve been tempted on many a bad day to declare “Peace Out!” and walk out of the office forever, the truth is, the Big Quit has been several years in the making.  I’ve been considering quitting my job for a very long time, and it is only this year, after about five years of rumination, that I’m actually gaining the courage to do it.  This is what I’ve been doing in the meantime.

I built up a safety net I was comfortable with. 

This was a priority for me.  Before quitting my job, I wanted to make sure that I had a big enough safety net for a reasonable worst case scenario.  I’m very risk averse, and I want to make sure that I  wouldn’t quickly find myself under financial pressure to make rash decisions.

Conventional wisdom states that you should have the amount of 6 months worth of expenses saved up before quitting your job. This assumes you will find a job (or another source of income) within 6 months.  Since I do not intend to look for a job immediately but instead, will take a few months to retool and regroup with myself, it could take a while before I see my next dollar of income.  Thus, I accumulated in savings at least 2 years worth of expenses to live off of.

In terms of the monthly expense calculation,  I added up all my basic monthly expenses (which included rent, food, utilities, cable, phone, transportation costs, gym memberships, newspaper subscriptions), as well as the variable items (dining out, shopping, travel, medical, etc) over the past 12 months.  I took the highest amount I spent over the past 12 months, and added to that additional costs I expect to be paying while unemployed (mainly health insurance and online classes).  I took this amount and multiplied by 24.  This was my target safety net before I could even consider quitting my job.

Then, I reduced my monthly expenses and my material footprint.

After assuming that I would be spending on an on-going basis the maximum amount I’ve spent over the past year and saving up based on that assumption, I shaved my monthly expenses.  I cut my cable, I put my gym membership on hold, I cancelled some news subscriptions, and I reduced my dining to half and my shopping to nil.  By being even financially lighter, I have more runway to play with.

Moreover, inspired by the minimalist movement gaining ground everywhere, I’ve decluttered and gotten rid of things I don’t use or love. I’ve donated bags of clothes, shoes, purses and accessories. I’ve donated tons of books (novels that I can get on kindle) and kept only resource books that I prefer to write on.  I am giving away pots, pans, kitchen appliances, dishes, glasses that I rarely use.

Things literally and figuratively weigh us down.  Being mindful of what I purchase will also help me reduce my monthly expenses. Moreover, while I’m embarking on a career shift, I want to be flexible with my lifestyle.  I want to be quick and nimble enough to seize opportunities in case I need to downsize apartments or move cities.

I drafted a daily plan and a short-term plan.

Quitting a job is walking away from structure.  When I quit, I’m going to have a lot of time in my hands that I can use productively or flush down the toilet.  Thus, it is important for me to set up a process and daily schedule to make sure I don’t waste my days on the couch in my pjs.  On a daily basis, I plan to wake up at the same time as if I have a corporate job, meditate, work out for an hour, then devote a couple of hours for writing and another couple of hours for on-line classes.  Every day.

In terms of my short-term goals, my plan is to use this year to retool and learn new skills.  I am curious about front-end web development and venture design.   So, I am going to take a few months to follow this curiosity, and share what I learn on this blog.

But I’m also keeping an open mind.

I believe five year plans are a thing of the past. With the pace of change in virtually every industry, the jobs we may be hoping to have in 5 years may no longer exist.  Technology is allowing us to live anywhere. Opportunities we didn’t see may present themselves. So while I may have a plan, I am keeping an open mind about my plans for Year 2 and beyond.

And most importantly, I’m preparing to hustle.

Quitting my job is going to force me to work harder than I’ve ever had to.  With no steady paychecks and no paid vacation, my future is all on me now.  We can let this thought intimidate us or energize us.  I choose the latter.

 

Five years ago, I walked out of a relationship that, measured against any conceivable standard, was a perfectly decent relationship. He was kind, generous, smart and beautiful. He handled my nagging well, was totally trust-worthy, and we hardly ever fought. Most New York women would have killed for something like it. But we also rarely laughed. You know, ugly laugh. Our sense of humor was different. And that bothered me. My friends thought I was crazy for even thinking of breaking up. But after four years of being together, I had to confront the question: do I really want to be in this forever, meaning 50 years give or take? Or should I walk away, in my late 30s, and seek the relationship I am looking for and risk being alone? Well, you know how the story ends. . . and in case you were wondering, my fears did pan out. I am still unmarried. But not once did I regret that decision.

I am about to jump off another cliff. In a month, I am going to quit my corporate job I’ve had for 10 years. A job that pays me more than I can comfortably spend, that isn’t too demanding of my time, and offers adequate mental challenge. Then why am I quitting? And why do I think you should consider it too if you’re in the same boat, thinking of a big change like quitting a relationship, a job, a career, or a city.

Because Life is Long

I will admit, it is really difficult to jump off a cliff when no one is pushing you off the ledge. No ass of a boss, no abusive relationship. But I urge you to check in with yourself every now and then and consider whether your current external situation is still in line with your internal one. Is your creative side raring to be freed but your job is anything but creative? Are you seeking a quieter, more laid-back lifestyle but the city you’re in continues to squeeze every drop of blood, sweat and tears from you? If we don’t do this, we’ll find ourselves the frog in boiling water. And yes, at work, I’ve become the frog.

Life is long. And it’s going to feel much longer if we are in a situation that we are slogging through. So why not jump? The good thing about a blessed long life is, if you crash land, you’ll have opportunity upon opportunity to dust yourself off and get back at it. Think of JK Rowling! And many others who found their success later in life. But as I was saying, failure can be part of the process. But failure carries with it invaluable lessons. And here’s another wild thought: what if instead of failing, you succeed??

And Life is Short

Going back to my planned career cliff-jump for a minute — have you ever thought about the general life path that we have been pre-programmed to take? That we are supposed to toil at our jobs until we’re 65, retire and only then start living life — take that epic trip, spend time with loved ones, start that business. Have you considered the absurdity of that plan? That we’re supposed to endure the discomfort of an unfulfilled life until retirement? But what if that day doesn’t come? Would the toil have been worth it? Of course not! Perhaps a better way to design life is to embark on (or take steps to discover it) what you really want to do so retirement becomes just a concept. Chances are you’ll blow past retirement age to keep doing what keeps you alive. Tomorrow isn’t promised, so live such that you leave it with no regrets.

You Get Rid of Your Attachments

Part of what was comforting about being in a relationship was that I was “in a relationship”. I will admit that losing that status factored heavily into my decision of whether to end my relationship. I wondered if I was ready to be “single” again. Today, the same thoughts go through my head about leaving my job. How should I respond when people ask me what I do?? And more importantly, what will they think when I say I’m “on sabbatical” or “taking a mid-life gap year”? My self-worth today is so much tied to my job in finance. I had lunch with a friend today who also spoke about this when he took a sabbatical to try a year at entrepreneurship. This can be a real issue. We use these identifiers as crutches to define who we are and measure our self-worth. By jumping off cliffs, we test our egos’ attachments to these superficial labels. We learn to confront who we are stripped bare, so that labels become like inconsequential outfits that when taken off, don’t disturb our deeper sense of self.

You Form a Better Relationship with Yourself

Of course, we never know how things will turn out after we jump off a cliff. We are never promised a turbulence-free flight. But that’s not why we do it. We do it so we can learn, so we can contribute to the world, so we can grow. And when you go through hard sh*t, you grow even more. Just make a promise to yourself that you’ll be your own biggest cheerleader. Because during trials, and sure there will be some, no one else will have your back the way you do.

And You Make Space for Magic

When you remove something from your life, you make space for something new to enter. Removing something that eats up a lot of emotional and mental space, like a relationship or a job, opens you up to magic! Jumping off a cliff is a way of telling the universe that you are trusting the universe to catch you. And when you have a firm and profound belief that the universe is working to give you what you want, it will.